Have you ever felt very passionate about something but you had to forego the opportunity due to unfavorable circumstances? And as soon as you let go, you are consumed by that nagging feeling that you absolutely have to experience it again? If you have, you’ll know how the ghost of the past can leave you restless and wanting.
That’s how I felt the first time I resigned from my radio DJ post. As soon as I left, I was a hit by a huge wave of regret because I went away from something that I love doing. For the next three years, I made sure that I expressed my intent to come back whenever I learned about a vacancy. I applied for more or less 5 times and got rejected for each instance. I told myself, maybe it was really not meant for me, but deep down I was arguing with myself and kept blaming the older me for my misery. Why did you leave in the first place, dumbass! You’re making a fool of yourself! There’s nothing I can do really, it’s out of my hands. A couple of deep breaths, some positive reinforcement and silent pleas of “move on, Mike” gradually calmed my nerves.
A year passed by and I chanced upon another advert announcing a vacancy. At first, I was reluctant to heed the call but I eventually gave in. Last try, I told myself. If you don’t get in this time, have some self respect, forget about it and stop trying!
Fast forward to October 20, that’s today. Five days gone from my second monthsarry at work. Yeah, my last ditch effort paid off and my long-time wish to have another shot as a radio DJ was granted, 65 days ago. On this very same day however, I have informed the station manager of my intention to resign from my post yet again. I think I surprised him a tiny bit and he showed a hint of disappointment over the news, but he readily accepted my decision.
As I write this, I am comforted by the fact that I don’t feel empty like the first time I left the radio station. Today, I resigned on my own accord and voluntarily let go of something I loved. For a supposedly fun job, I don’t feel excited anymore and it made me realize that this job isn’t really for me.
Right now, I look forward to giving my all out support to Pau as she takes the BAR exams this November. I know she will ace the exam even without me being there personally, but I’d like to give my wholehearted support nonetheless as she faces the second hardest examination of her life (childbirth being the first, hehe).
Oh, one tiny bit before I end. While I was the DJ on board earlier, I asked my son about his opinion on my impending resignation. The first thing he asked was, do I earn money with this job. I said yes, but not much. I explained that I may not be able to buy him his fave books on a regular basis once I resign. But on the flipside, I’ll be able to drop him off and pick him up from school everytime, just like before. He said it’s ok if I resign, because he liked it better when we spend more time together. That sealed it for me really.
I had a great time, a great experience and this time around, I will be able to look back and appreciate the dream opportunity that was afforded me and finally put this chapter of my life behind me. This is Papa Keen of Barangay 89.3, officially signing off.