Of pride and self-fulfillment

I never really did feel that I needed to finish my studies for my parents. They have been very supportive from the beginning of my college experience and I was like ‘Thanks Dad and Ma’ for much of my stay in UPLB. I never took it seriously even though Mama religiously told me that my graduation will be their biggest trophy in life and that life without a college degree is difficult as hell. I didn’t really care about anything or anyone as long as I got what I wanted.

Funny thing is when I applied for a job as a Technical Support Representative for IBM Daksh, I found myself in the exact scenario that Mama and Daddy have been warning me beforehand. They required someone who has at least finished 3rd year college and to my disadvantage, I am still a few units short so technically I was not able to meet the requirements (Though I blame them partly because they had this misleading ad for the TSR position. Their ad said that everybody who has REACHED at least third year is encouraged to apply. Sucks.) It hurt my ego, as I have a lot of it, and made me want to go back to school and finish my degree, go back to that office and shove my U.P. diploma in her big, fat interviewer ass and tell her ‘Hey! Here’s what you were looking for. Now I am too good for you.’ There’s too much pride flowing in my veins right now. I could blame U.P. for instigating such mindset but I cannot blame it completely on them. There’s this part of me that says I am good and I deserve better than this. And there’s something inside of me that is waiting to explode and make the whole world feel my existence, my worth. But then again, SNAP! Back to reality. The undeniable truth is I haven’t finished college YET, haven’t earned my Dad’s respect YET, and I have YET to prove a lot. I am just to proud.

Did I make any sense at all? I do hope so.

Anyway, the real theme of this write-up is the pride of one’s parents upon seeing their child succeed and graduate from college, at the very least. Just this past Sunday, I stayed at the Malana residence in Sampaloc, Manila and as usual (which is something I look forward to everytime I go there) there are a lot of things to talk about. Issues from the sophisticated legal mind of Kuya Badong to the medical opinion of Manong Glomar and from the vast knowledge of Pastor Dennis in books, literature and philosophy to his hilarious jokes, and stories about wacky househelps and job hunting, there is so much to tackle when I am with these guys. Such a pleasure.

Kuya Glomar, the eldest among the Malana siblings, just finished taking the medical board exam and was able to arrive late in the afternoon and their Mom was there waiting for him. There were no results yet, of course, but I just can’t help but notice the confidence, pride, and zeal in his Mom’s words and actions. I thought ‘She seems really proud that her son is just one step away from being a Medical Doctor’. I was astonished, sad and ashamed altogether.

Astonished because I’ve never really considered the pride that a child can bring to his parents. Every achievement brings in life, hope and confidence to parents that they have raised someone who is so ready to take on the world, or at least the next step in life. Sad, primarily because of my inablity to get close to the level that these people have achieved. I know I can do better, that what I’ve shown so far is not the whole package and feel that I can do a lot more. Finally I am ashamed because I have not given the same experience to my parents. I have robbed them of the joy that they deserve and continuously taking away their happiness every time they ponder on ‘what the hell happened’. Now that I have my own family to take care of, I am much more hard pressed to deliver my ultimate return gift to them. I have told Daddy time and time again that I will be going back to school but due to financial constraints, I am not able to do so.

I just trust in God’s plan for me. Everything happens with a reason and everything will happen in His own time. I just hope that I can give my parents their due before it’s too late.

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*